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#1 SpongeBob

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Posted 16 December 2005 - 03:20

I read this on the b0g forums but I'll put it here so you won't see the bad stuff.

Pictorial: The Battle for Monrovia * or * The Definitive Guide to Gangsta Hip-Hop Urban Combat

Images from the battle for Monrovia, Liberia, where use of iron sights is known to be strictly prohibited. Also prohibited are aiming, assuming a supported firing stance, and any common practice of marksmanship whatsoever.

Hip-Hop/Rapper/Gangsta shooting stances are mandatory, the "Glock Foh-Tay" hold being the most popular. lethality is acheived by subjecting the target to a wide swathe of area fire, simliar to unaimed indirect artillery, or scaring the enemy away with gesturing and aggressive hip-hop style dancing while firing. Points are awarded for artistic effort, style, fearsome facial expression/vocalizations and blue duct tape.


Note perfectly executed flamboyant sideways-rifle "Glock Foh-Tay" running stance.
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Amazing height and style on this one. Sure to impress the judges!
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"Yo Yo YO, Fo' Shizzle"
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The "bring your buddy along" firing stance
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Firing from the hip while putting on the best "Game Face" and bellowing like an Ox - always sure to make your enemy skeedadle!
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#2 SpongeBob

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Posted 16 December 2005 - 03:22

The "Homeless street person" anti-aircraft firing position being executed with great precision!
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Here we have a classic! The "prone Warrior " firing position - too bad the magazine spring has blown out from the bottom of his beautifully blue-duct-tape-taped jungle magazine setup.
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Here we have Liberian militia demonstrating the "Soul Train" method of combat assault.
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The Nautical theme is ever popular, as seen by this militiaman wearing the stylish Kapok life jacket.
Won't stop a bullet, but sure looks Boo-yaa!
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This pair is executing the difficult "Phat Bammer Swagger" shooting stance.
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#3 SpongeBob

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Posted 16 December 2005 - 03:23

The Phat "Batman Begins" RPG firing position is new but hot
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While this appears to be a well-rehearsed combat assault maneuver, this militiaman is actually trying to keep birds from crapping on his car. Note the feather duster in the left hand for effect.
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This Militiaman executes the one handed high overhead blind shot. It is often used to indicate that "Da Brizzles over there".
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And last but not least, these two are showing the proper way to fire a support weapon using the non-aiming duck-walk method, keeping at least five feet of linked ammo strung out from the weapon at any given time! Note the suitably awe-struck onlookers!
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#4 blackdog~

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Posted 16 December 2005 - 03:34

Though you are probably going to be hung by the higher powers here, I found this to be rather absolutely hilarious. *saves*

#5 Scrub

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Posted 16 December 2005 - 05:08

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It hurts!  Please stop! lol!!

AHhh..  It does seem like they're defending their sense of style as much as their way of life.  You ought to have this on a military humor forum.   Posted Image
-Rabid Arma 3 fan-

Yes, like millions, I also throw my money at the BIS homepage and it refuses to take it.. Finally took it!

#6 LoTekK

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Posted 16 December 2005 - 05:58

Jesus Christ, folks. What is it about African rebels that makes them such humor fodder?! Posted Image

Your captions are brilliant. Posted Image

Here's a guy with 4 mags taped together.
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I think he's in Force training, too. Posted Image

oops. Scratched out the semi-expletive in the pic.




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#7 Decimus

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Posted 22 March 2002 - 02:44

Noone is busy working on his mod.
Check it out at:
http://flashpoint.xaos.ru/nland/
"The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his."  -Patton
Homini, in suos signum, deum facti sunt.
Proeleum gero quod pacis volo.

#8 deadmoroz

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Posted 27 June 2002 - 05:48

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote </td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">Most of the fortifications were made by chinese prisoners brought in by russians during 19th century. They digged trenches and built fortifications. Of course, the death rate was unbelievably high. Every time a chinese worker fell he would be buried at the spot; you can easily find human bones next to the trenches with only a little digging. When the fortifications were complete, the remaining chinese were taken with ferries to the middle of Finnish Gulf. Russian soldiers broke the bottom of the ferries and all the chinese prisoners drowned. What a nice pay for a work well done.
[/QUOTE]<span id='postcolor'>
Russians have NEVER fight against China! You are wrong. Study World history more Posted Image

#9 el Gringo Loco

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Posted 09 February 2002 - 11:43

Ok a little game: Spot the ten differences

My bunk back at the base, and my bunk in the fields. sorry no prizes to win

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I\'ll be the judge of that!

#10 el Gringo Loco

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Posted 09 February 2002 - 11:17

This thread was one of the best threads on the board some 6 months ago. Please all you guys help me to rebuild it. This is the place to put all your military stupidy events and have a good laugh.

Title: How the fuck do we know, we're artillery

My mate and I were driving back to our little camp on Mt. Igman after we had collected our mail from the english army base camp on Mt. Igman. After a while we saw a english woman soldier waving to us from the side of the road gesturing us to stop. So we stopped and asked her what the problem was. She told us that she had only become shortly the driver of a mobile crane unit and she could use some help because she had to pick up a prefab from the side of the road and load on the back of her truck. She asked if we could check if she had enough clearance when she picked up the prefab.

Corteous and always ready to please a lady we said yeah, no problem. So we parked our Benz and took in some strategical observation points along the prefab. Maybe you don't know, but a mobile crane has so-called "side stabilisation arms" which prevent the crane from tipping over when they crane loads sideways. We didn't notice that she forgot to deploy them (hey what you expect, we're artillery we know cannons not mobile cranes) So the girl started lifting the prefab, when it was half ways in the air everything went pear-shaped. The crane start to tilt to one side and gained momentum. It was all too late then, the prefab crashed to the ground and the mobile crane came to rest against it.

My mate and I were pissing our pants from the laughter and wished the girl (which was crying by now) much luck in explaining this little mishap to her CO. After taking a picture we went up the mountain with the mail and a very good story to tell.

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I\'ll be the judge of that!

#11 el Gringo Loco

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Posted 09 February 2002 - 11:32

Ok, another one to get this thread going again

Burning garbage, the stupid way

When we had our camp in the hills of Mt. Igman in Bosnia we had to dispose of our garbage. So we saved everything for a week and then torched it with some gasoline. There seem to be always some people (potential pyromaniacs) who have the idea that everything can be done quicker and more efficient. So we also had a guy in my unit who thought the same. One day my mate was appointed to burn the garbage. So he threw some gasoline over it and lighted it. Everything went well. He was poking with a little stick in the fire (you know how little children get when they are around a controlled fire) and was generally having a good time. Then a sergeant came along and thought that everything could go a lot quicker when you thought more efficient.

A second after I took the picture I was running for the fire extinghuiser to put out my mate's trousers. Luckily it ended with only some minor burns to the leg. But if you see where my mate had his face when the gulp of gasoline was applied to the fire you could imagine that it could end a hell lot worse. I rapported the sergeant to my CO for negliance and he was fined and reprimanded.

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Note the gulp of gasoline coming from the jerrycan and the position were my mate has his face. Unbelievable how stupid people can get
I\'ll be the judge of that!

#12 Hilandor

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Posted 09 February 2002 - 11:33

hahaha class min lol.

Not much happened to me when i was a weekend warrior with Royal Artillery, but i mind one day we had to be at the TA base on a friday night for an exercise deployment early on saturday morning, we were told we were getting helicopter deployment which we were all excited as being a weekend soldier u rarely got to do such things. So heading up in the 4 tonner to the exercise area we got all excited, thinking "woohoo, never been in a helicopter.
As we approached the exercise area and pulled to a stop, the CO came to the back of the wagon and asked if we were all ready for our helicopter deployment and excitedly we shouted YES SIR.

On that note we were told to jump out the back of the 4 tonner with crossed arms as if wearing a parachute, which we thot "mm strange" so we did, only to be told as we landed on the ground in fake rolls etc that this was the helicopter deployment being weekend soldiers they coudlnt justify a real helicopter and had to pretend =[[[ so our 4 tonner was the chopper. Gutted i beleive was a word that came to mind after all the excitement we anticipated. =[[[

funny looking back on it and picturing 20 soldiers rolling on ground as if landed with parachute from a height of 6 feet out the back of the wagon Posted Image

#13 Cymru

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Posted 09 February 2002 - 13:29

um Posted Image
,2,3,4 attack BMP
5,6,7 advance,
8,9, target enemy postitons g39,f87
10................get me a biscuit

#14 KingBeast

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Posted 09 February 2002 - 14:45

Ah I dont have anything really to add, but I remember this thread fondly from back in the day, and I especially remember the crane story Posted Image
lol Hilly I can imagine how gutted you must have been, jumpin out the back of a lorry rofl

#15 Charlie_McSheenie

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Posted 09 February 2002 - 15:26

Yeah, i remember that thread Posted Image some classic stories there. I liked no one's (as in the person) stories the best, always with an air of seriousness with them but still really funny

#16 DarkLight

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Posted 09 February 2002 - 18:20

Aaaaaaaaah, it's good to see this post again, i especially remember the one with that bald guy on the pic and the fire. Great stories,lets try to keep this post alive!!!
I had great fun reading them 6 months ago...
Good job reposting some of them L24A !
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~Some people say that i'm crazy, i say that i'm special~
</span><table border=\"0\" align=\"center\" width=\"95%\" cellpadding=\"0\" cellspacing=\"0\"><tr><td>Quote </td></tr><tr><td id=\"QUOTE\">Balschoiw:Whenever I am tempted to think you are a bit mad, you just manage to keep your car on the road and master the curve Dark Light</td></tr></table><span =\'\'>

#17 GrimCalavera

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Posted 09 February 2002 - 23:23

Oki I heard this one from my fathers brother, who was an recon/ranger in Finnish army during the start of 1980.
So there was an big fieldtraining going on and my father's bro
had to dig a hole on the ground with few of his palls, camouflaging it with leafes and other's natural sources.

Ok at this time Finland sucked the Soviet Unions ass and let some of the red armies big bosses come over the field to observe. These commies were told to find my father's bro's and his inc.'s hide position. One commie just walked around the field and stopped to pee. Guess who was receiving this "golden-shower" on their shoulders...

Commie pissing at finnish ranger is one thing that could start the third world war.

#18 Guest_Scooby_*

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Posted 09 February 2002 - 23:25

I wonder how big tents are often used in other countries. In Finland we've basically got these two tents.

pictures not taken by me, just searched from internet.

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At right you can see smaller tent and at left you can see bigger "half platoon tent".



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Picture of smaller tent.


Most often idea is to fit about 15 men into that bigger tent and about 10 into smaller tent. Gets bit tight. Doesnt look as comfortable from inside as in one of which L24A posted picture about. Needless to say we used those smaller tents more often than bigger tents.

#19 el Gringo Loco

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Posted 10 February 2002 - 07:52

Ahhhh, military tents I have a nice story about that

Title: Putting your tent up in hilly terrain: Lesson 1

My unit went on a regular base abroad for training with foreign units. So one time we had a training session in Germany and the plan was that my unit was flown in by Chinook in the operations theatre in the middle of night in a wood. So no problem we did this before, you get dropped with all your units equipment in some wood clearing and when the chopper has lifted off you haul everything inside the woods where you search for a nice place to put up your LUP (lying-up point).

So an hour before we should go I instructed my men to check if everything was complete and if the weapons were loaded. (with blanks ofcourse).So the chinook came to our base, we dragged all our equipmemt in it and off we went. After some 15 minutes flying time the load-master told us we were nearing the DZ and we should prepare to be dropped off.

So the drop off went perfect we got everything out within 15 seconds and we laid on top of our stuff till the chinook lifted well away from us. So now we should start to find a place to put up our LUP. As it was full-moon we had to get away from the clearing because we were in full sight. I grabbed my compass and gave a direction were we should enter the forrest. So after a while we thought we've found a nice place, but we couldn't check it out for 100% because it was too dark. I asked a unit member to use his PNVGs to confirm if the place was suitable for a camp. So he takes out his goggles only to discover that he hadn't changed the batteries. You can imagine I was pretty pissed at the guy because I instructed everyone to sort out their kit before we'd left.

So we gambled that the place was right. In pitch dark we were erecting our unit tent (the tent poles have some light emmiting spots on it which later will be covered by the sheet, this makes it possible to erect a tent in pitch dark). So we were just in time, it started raining pretty hard but the tent was ready. After half an hour of hard rain we've discovered where we had put up the tent. Right: On the lowest point of a hill in the forrest. Needless to say that at first light the position of the tent was changed.

This picture was taken after most of the water already left the tent. Maximum level of water must have been some 15 cm's. We had to take everything from the ground to prevent it becoming wet. To my right you see the SATCOM laptop elevated on a chair. The guy in the green maggot is me

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I\'ll be the judge of that!

#20 Assault (CAN)

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Posted 10 February 2002 - 08:05

LOL, good story L24A. At least you had cots.

We use 5 man tents when we are on the move. There is enough room to stand up in, which is nice when trying to change. It sure beats using a ground sheet to make a "hoochie". If we will be at a site for a few days, we use modular tents, one section is about the size of your average room in your house.

Hey L24A, ever tried setting up a tent that relys on pegs when the ground is ROCK solid? It can be fun.

Tyler