Military Humor

[-TU--33ker 0]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (CosmicCastaway @ Feb. 27 2003,18:19)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">1982 Darwin Award Nominee

(October 1982) In the New Zealand Army, the staff was having a discipline problem with four cadets posted at Waiouru Camp. One day, the group had been confined to barracks as punishment while the rest of the unit participated in a training activity.

The four cadets decided to abscond, and set out on a jaunt into the training area, heedless of the consequences. How bad could another day of rest be? After walking some distance, they found themselves on the range used as the training grounds of the M203 Grenade Launcher. As they sauntered around the range, they came across several unexploded rounds.

From Day One, Army recruits are told to never touch anything even remotely resembling unexploded ordinance. Indeed, there are signs surrounding every range the Army uses, stating the rule again. It is incessantly drummed into every brain in the Army. But not everyone learns...

The ringleader of this group picked up two grenades and held them at arm's length, while his mates egged him on. According to the survivors, he uttered the famous last words, "Hey fellas, look at this!" Those are words to make seasoned men duck and cover. He cracked the two grenades together, causing one or both to explode in his hands. The M203 grenade has a lethal blast area of five meters, and left little for the medics to recover. The other three miscreants were injured by shrapnel, but survived to be disciplined in far more lenient a fashion.

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ROFL!!

maybe this guy was a Bhuddist and came to one of their 37 hells. this one must have been the "Hell for Morons".

[MrMilli 0]

Sorry, but I don't believe that for a second

a) If confined to barracks they have to report to a NCO regularly, who would *ehem* ensure they didn't get bored.

Also, confined to barracks is not a punishment for recruits, especially during an exercise.

It doesn't make sense, the people handing out the punishments are there to ensure these guys are out the door as quick as possible. They would be confined to barracks if a leave was coming up, but never for an exercise.

b) Ranges are marked, it would be impossible to just wander on to one.

c) If they did find themselves on a range, with UXO's all around them, they would run like hell to get off it. The training as to what not to do on a range is so strong, even the first, youngest stupidest of recruits have it drilled into their skulls.

An immediate sense of utter dread would befall them just by realising they are on the range, not some jovial "hey guys watch this" attitude.

d) no-one would be that stupid to whack two grenades together.

Its just not possible.

It might be amusing, but it simply isn't possible that such a mind boggling level of stupidity would be allowed into any army, anywhere near anything remotely dangerous.

Another part of that story makes it a bit confusing, are they cadets (in which case the poor little boys wouldn't be allowed anywhere without a grown-up ) or recruits (in which case they would not have had a moment to themselves, let alone the time it would take to wander off)

In short, until someone comes up with linkage going somewhere other than a quote of the same story (and I couldn't find anything) I'm assuming its bullshit.

[nolips71 0]

you never know. they would say that it was impossible to bomb people wile on a target range but the yanks managed it

[CosmicCastaway 0]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (MrMilli @ Mar. 01 2003,14:05)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">It might be amusing, but it simply isn't possible that such a mind boggling level of stupidity would be allowed into any army, anywhere near anything remotely dangerous.

Another part of that story makes it a bit confusing, are they cadets (in which case the poor little boys wouldn't be allowed anywhere without a grown-up ) or recruits (in which case they would not have had a moment to themselves, let alone the time it would take to wander off)

In short, until someone comes up with linkage going somewhere other than a quote of the same story (and I couldn't find anything) I'm assuming its bullshit.<span id='postcolor'>

There is no limit to the level of human stupidity.

[nolips71 0]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (CosmicCastaway @ Mar. 03 2003,10:06)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">but it simply isn't possible that such a mind boggling level of stupidity would be allowed into any army<span id='postcolor'>

i dunno if it was US army they dont have much choice

[MrMilli 0]

mate, you've got your opinion and your entitled to it, but childish comments about how shite you think the US forces i'm not too fond of.

Human stupidity has no bounds, I'd agree there but fortunately the guys running these courses can sniff out someone stupid enough to play with a live grenade from about ten miles away

[nolips71 0]

ever heard of a joke?

[Guest]

5--></span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (MrMilli @ Mar. 01 2003,145)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">c) If they did find themselves on a range, with UXO's all around them, they would run like hell to get off it. The training as to what not to do on a range is so strong, even the first, youngest stupidest of recruits have it drilled into their skulls.

An immediate sense of utter dread would befall them just by realising they are on the range, not some jovial "hey guys watch this" attitude.

d) no-one would be that stupid to whack two grenades together.

Its just not possible.

It might be amusing, but it simply isn't possible that such a mind boggling level of stupidity would be allowed into any army, anywhere near anything remotely dangerous.<span id='postcolor'>

During my military service, during a live firing excercise some members of my platoon discovered two guys from another unit trying to dig up an unexploded 40 mm grenade from the ground. They did it by pulling it and kicking on it. Their explanation was that they wanted a souvenir so that "they could mock the gunners of the Strf 9040, that left it there".

Needless to say they were immediately kicked out of the military.

In any sufficiently large population, you will always find a number of complete morons. The military is no exception.

[FSPilot 0]

Except for the air force. j/k

[cam0flage 0]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote </td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">Their explanation was that they wanted a souvenir so that "they could mock the gunners of the Strf 9040, that left it there".<span id='postcolor'>

Somehow all the soldiers are attracted to the so called "souvenirs" from the army. On the day when were going home, just before they were about to give us our military passports and move on to reserve, an empty table was brought in front of the whole company standing in three files. Then the officers told us that they would be spending five minutes on the other side of the garrison smoking cigarettes, and meanwhile everyone could bring anything they have stolen to the table, without no risk of being punished. They also told us that an inspection of everyone's bag would follow after the five minutes.

Well, after the officers got away from everyone's sight, everyone started running for the table. I had wisely taken my "souvenirs" back home on earlier vacations. There was a nice pile of stuff on the table when the officers got back. Numerous live 7.62 rounds, several live NSV rounds, a huge pile of 7.62 blank rounds, military police sleeve badges, t-shirts, underwear (who wants those used by maaaany draftees before them? ), raincoats and trousers, a Lord of the Rings book stolen from the duty officer's desk earlier that morning ... that's all I remember, but there was a lot more

It was fun to have some souvenirs, but I wouldn't go kicking a 40 mm round to get it

[Guest]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (cam0flage @ Mar. 04 2003,22:22)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">Somehow all the soldiers are attracted to the so called "souvenirs" from the army. On the day when were going home, just before they were about to give us our military passports and move on to reserve, an empty table was brought in front of the whole company standing in three files. Then the officers told us that they would be spending five minutes on the other side of the garrison smoking cigarettes, and meanwhile everyone could bring anything they have stolen to the table, without no risk of being punished. They also told us that an inspection of everyone's bag would follow after the five minutes.<span id='postcolor'>

Hehe. In Kosovo they started searching all returning soldiers after people started excessivly bringin souvenires such as ak-47's, hand grenades etc. I was personally set on bringing home two empty RPG-18 launchers and a 100 mm tank shell casing. I was hoping to avoid inspection - I had a diplomatic passport since I was working for HQ directly under COMKFOR.

Unfortunately it was a no-go since the passport was only valid in Yugoslavia, Bosnia and Croatia. So of course the MP's checked my bags and refused to let me leave with it. My explanations that the RPG's were already disposable and already used did not matter to them.

So I got a good friend of mine that works for the Belgian embassy to get me diplomatic transport documents. Unfortunately he couldn't quite motivate why the RPG's should be transported, so I only got papers for the shell casing.

I carried that damn thing in my lap, all the way back to Sweden (on a commericial airliner). I got some strange looks from people, but I suppose they would have been even more strange had I managed to get the RPG's

Anyway, they are still waiting for me, locked up in the Belgian embassy in Zagreb. I havn't yet figured out how to get them, but mark my words: I'll get them!

[ralphwiggum 6]

yes, stupidity runs everywhere.

[MrMilli 0]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (denoir @ Mar. 04 2003,18:20)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE"></span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (MrMilli @ Mar. 01 2003,14)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">c) If they did find themselves on a range, with UXO's all around them, they would run like hell to get off it. The training as to what not to do on a range is so strong, even the first, youngest stupidest of recruits have it drilled into their skulls.

An immediate sense of utter dread would befall them just by realising they are on the range, not some jovial "hey guys watch this" attitude.

d) no-one would be that stupid to whack two grenades together.

Its just not possible.

It might be amusing, but it simply isn't possible that such a mind boggling level of stupidity would be allowed into any army, anywhere near anything remotely dangerous.<span id='postcolor'>

During my military service, during a live firing excercise some members of my platoon discovered two guys from another unit trying to dig up an unexploded 40 mm grenade from the ground. They did it by pulling it and kicking on it. Their explanation was that they wanted a souvenir so that "they could mock the gunners of the Strf 9040, that left it there". <!--emo&

Needless to say they were immediately kicked out of the military.

In any sufficiently large population, you will always find a number of complete morons. The military is no exception.<span id='postcolor'>

Bah, your all going to be so very picky with what I've posted

As long as you get the point though

Nolips, the odd snip at a dumb moment, OK thats a joke, but twice in a row starts to get on my nerves.

bah, its probably because I hear it so often on the net, it pisses me off and i'm not even American!

[IsthatyouJohnWayne 0]

HAHAaha

LOL

You have some strange stuff in your place Denoir

Does that serve as a water jug or something?

[FallenPaladin 0]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (CosmicCastaway @ Mar. 03 2003,10:06)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">There is no limit to the level of human stupidity.  <span id='postcolor'>

Doh!

[FallenPaladin 0]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (denoir @ Mar. 04 2003,19:20)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">Needless to say they were immediately kicked out of the military.

In any sufficiently large population, you will always find a number of complete morons. The military is no exception.<span id='postcolor'>

That`s evolution: the dumb die out some time. Only the smart ones survive. At least I hope so... But nowadays you can even become president of a large nation, being, uuuhmm, not so smart. That leads to the smart ones being nuked by the dumb ones

[Jinef 2]

I wouldn't class myself as very intelligent either, my socks are never clean and all that. It's a suprise that i'm now surrounded by lot's of intelligent people who look at me and expect me to know who the hell Lene Marlin is!

Well i found out and i don't rate those people as highly as i used to! That was funny, just one of those quiet moments then i find out and yell Lene Marlin!?

[brgnorway 0]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (Jinef @ Mar. 12 2003,01:48)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">I wouldn't class myself as very intelligent either, my socks are never clean and all that. It's a suprise that i'm now surrounded by lot's of intelligent people who look at me and expect me to know who the hell Lene Marlin is!  

Well i found out and i don't rate those people as highly as i used to! That was funny, just one of those quiet moments then i find out and yell Lene Marlin!?<span id='postcolor'>

JINEF! ! ! Haven't I been nice to you? Haven't I tried hard to teach you about the scandinavian way? I'm so disappointed with you!

Although Lene Marlin looks the part - she is a no no - a "hands off laddy" ! She comes from a part of the country best described as "rĺnete". I spend several months there during my time in the military and many soon learned the bitter truth about women from that region.

The females up there smell fish - speak vulgar - and would do just about anything to migrate to where I live. Some of the blokes actually discovered they had to bring both the girl and a future child to the beautyful south! The saying amongst soldiers goes like this (directly translated) : bang me up - and take me south! hehe

They are indeed the welsh (sorry Jinef about the "W"-word) of Norway!

[FallenPaladin 0]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (brgnorway @ Mar. 12 2003,02:06)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">The females up there smell fish - speak vulgar<span id='postcolor'>

Bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!

That`s disgusting!!

[Jinef 2]

I agree i was shouting at them expressing my distaste!

[red oct 2]

Grand Daddy of all military stupidity:

[brgnorway 0]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (Red Oct @ Mar. 12 2003,20:10)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">Grand Daddy of all military stupidity:

<span id='postcolor'>

Hehe....I like that one!

[Jinef 2]

Hmm i wonder where that happened?

[Placebo 28]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (Jinef @ Mar. 12 2003,23:51)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">Hmm i wonder where that happened?<span id='postcolor'>

Loading bay probably

[Jinef 2]

ooh you, you, you're good!