Military Humor

[Wobble]

BITCH!

[Charlie_McSheenie]

''it was pepper spray.. that really sucked, I couldent even drive home.. though my GF had a hoot with the 4wd (she had little pissy car at time).. I dont know how she managed to avoid it.. she got a little on her arm and that was it''

lol, dumbass

[Noone]

OK, lets rebuild our old good thread. I asked administrators of this forum if they can find any remainings of our old thread several times, but got no response from them. So let's just write it from scratch...

Today I’ll write two stories I have already told on this forum in the old thread. One about myself, and the other is about my friend. I have already told them before, but as the old thread is gone –lets write it all again.

So first one is about my friend :

Gooood morning Lebanon !!!

It was a regular morning. Just like all others. A small Israeli outpost in South Lebanon. 8 AM Hezbollah guerillas start firing mortars on the outpost. Nothing extraordinary, everyone is used to it, so some found shelter under the tank and some, believing in ultimate fate and that nothing bad can happen to them this day just carry on with their tasks, not paying any attention to mortar shell exploding in some distance. All of a sudden a tent opens and sergeant Anton steps out. He was in military boots and underpants with a MAG in his hands. His face carried a mark of yesterday’s overdose of alcohol. He feelt like shit, he looked like shit. Cursing in Russian he ran across the base and out into the woods. Everyone was a bit confused by his behavior. For some 15 minutes they heard MG fire from the forest. And then – silence. No MG, no mortars. After 10 minutes they saw Anton returning back, dragging his MAG... “What happened ?” they asked. “Didn’t find shit” was the answer.

The second one is about myself

Yes sir, I can boogie, and you can put me in a tank

I was renting an apartment with a friend of mine – an ex tank driver. So like everyone in Israel he had to do his MILUIM duty. Everyone in Israel has to go for 1 month a year to the active army duty after serving 3 years until he reaches the age of 45. So his officer called him and said he has to come to the base for a briefing, as his time to serve this year has come. As he was in his office and really could not leave work he called me and asked to go there instead of him. “Just go there, tell them you are me. Tell them my name and ID and they’ll buy it. Then you’ll have to listen to some boring briefing stuff and go home.” So I decided to help out my friend and went there. Getting in was no problem – the soldier on the gate just asked me my name, and I told my friends name. As I was on the list, he didn’t bother asking for an ID. An officer inside asked my name and again I told my friends name. He searched his list and asked me : “Your ID is … blah-blah-blah ?”. “Yeap, that’s it” I said. “We were waiting for you” Then after 30 minutes of listening to some very boring, but potentially useful (for some spies) military secrets, I decided that it’s about time to go home, when an officer said “We were going to send you to the front right away, but decided to give you some time to get your stuff, so tomorrow I expect you here at 9 AM”. And that’s when I realized that they could take me to a front line, put me in a tank, without even making sure I am who they think. Imagine : me in a tank ! I did my army service in infantry and the closest I saw a tank was 10 meters… “Geee… I wonder what this red button does…”

[el Gringo Loco]

OK, a last one before I go to sleep

Title: You don't have to be stupid to join the foreign legion, but it certainly helps

Like I already mentioned in one of my other stories above our unit was protected by the french forein legion 2nd REI in Bosnia. My unit was a FOO unit and we also took a firefinder TPQ-36 radar with us to mt. Igman. A firefinder radar is a phased-array radar which can detect positions from where artillery shells were fired up to an accuracy of 3 meters. This system was one of the winners on Mt. Igman as it accounted for 75% of the targets during operation Deliberate Force. The Legionairs were very interested in the system and wanted to take pictures of it for their scrapbooks. As stupid as some of them were they stood in front of the antennae at close range and took pictures of it. If you do know something about phased array radars and the microwave frequencies they operate on you probably could guess that this was no good idea.

We told the legionairs a hunderd times to stop doing that as it is inherently unhealthy for them. But they just argued, that they felt nothing when they were standing in front of the antennae so probably they thought we exaggerated the whole thing a little. In other words we were not getting really through to them.

Then my group commander had a brilliant idea. He argued that those legionairs acted like little children, how do little children learn about things in real life? Right: they learn it from pictures.

So in half an hour the best artist in our group made a custom warning sign for the legionairs and after that no one ever dared to come in closer than 30 feet of the radar installation.
I wonder why that was:

[Black Op]

lol thats pretty funny, weren't there some posts in the old thread about sneaking beer onto patrol?

[el Gringo Loco]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (Wobble @ Feb. 10 2002,19:28)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">not a military story.. but when i first got my AR I shot a can of spraypaint I though was empty from about 20 feet away and i got a nice blast of smurf blue all over me and the gun.. took me several hours to clean all of it off the gun. ***it was wierd it literally exploded.. it was like a frag or something.. but it stayed in one piece.. just kinda turned inside out..

oh and one time I shot a coleman lantern cannister from about 100m away and the boom could probably be heard for many miles.. those things are great.. but expensive.. I decided to shoot this one because it was leaky and old.. and I thought it was empty (why do I keep thinking things are empty)..

oh.. and probably the best story:.. and the dumbest..

me and my gf went out to a small creek to do a little shooting, sh had just got her .38 and wanted to be destructive.. so I founf this odd small can that had been rolling around in the bed of my truck for many weeks.. I couldent remember what it was and all the paint was practically rubbed off from sliding around back there.. it was *almost* empty..

anywho we started plinking at it from about 30 feet away about the 5th shot I hit it and it poofed into a nice red cloud.. and blew all over me... at that moment I realized what it was.. when my gf was a car-hop at sonic she carried it for safty. it was pepper spray..

that really sucked, I couldent even drive home.. though my GF had a hoot with the 4wd (she had little pissy car at time).. I dont know how she managed to avoid it.. she got a little on her arm and that was it.. *** oh well.. there are lots of Wobble being a dumbass stories.. but they are not military related so I will spare ya.[/QUOTE]<span id='postcolor'>
I have an 50 liter ButaGaz container in my shed which I think is empty. You can have it for target practice

[Thehamster]

LMAO funny as hell.

[WKK Gimbal]

Great stuff&#33;

Only soldiers and school kids on summer camp experience such things ... hmm ... there couldn&#39;t be any resemblence?

[Noone]

"Only soldiers and school kids on summer camp experience such things ... hmm ... there couldn&#39;t be any resemblence? "

Kids...

"lol thats pretty funny, weren&#39;t there some posts in the old thread about sneaking beer onto patrol?"

Yeah, that was my story, so i can tell it again...

Never mix them...
It was our turn to go on a patrol around the base. Just a regular patrol, nothing more. But we decided to spice things up by bringing some booze along. So we searched our quarters for alcohol and found : some beer, a little wine, just a bit of Whisky and a few drops of Vodka. We took it all and mixed together to produce some decent quantity of alcoholic fluid. The stuff we got we purred into our flasks. We were ready to patrol &#33;

Our officer gathered us in the yard and began the briefing. It was long and boring… At the end, this son of a b…. said : “It’s a hot day today, and I don’t want to see any of you passing out from dehydration. So I want to see you guys drinking up your flasks right now. You’ll replenish them afterwards.”

We could just tell him that it is not water in our flasks (we’d go straight into jail for that), so we had to drink and show how much we enjoy drinking “fresh cool water”… It was awful. It was even worse then awful. I don’t know how I survived drinking that shit, but I did…

So we pulled ourselves together and walked out of the base gates. We managed to walk about half a mile (maybe less) before collapsing to the ground and releasing the contents of our stomachs. It was hot – about 35-40 degrees Celsius so we felt even worse. We were vomiting and slamming our heads into the ground for about 3 hours before we started crawling back to the base. At the gates our officer met us smiling. Till this day I don’t know who da hell sold us out to him…

[Wobble]

HAHAHAHAHA&#33;&#33;&#33; I would have blamed a "water born bacteria"