Military Humor

[el Gringo Loco]

Ahhhh, military tents I have a nice story about that

Title: Putting your tent up in hilly terrain: Lesson 1

My unit went on a regular base abroad for training with foreign units. So one time we had a training session in Germany and the plan was that my unit was flown in by Chinook in the operations theatre in the middle of night in a wood. So no problem we did this before, you get dropped with all your units equipment in some wood clearing and when the chopper has lifted off you haul everything inside the woods where you search for a nice place to put up your LUP (lying-up point).

So an hour before we should go I instructed my men to check if everything was complete and if the weapons were loaded. (with blanks ofcourse).So the chinook came to our base, we dragged all our equipmemt in it and off we went. After some 15 minutes flying time the load-master told us we were nearing the DZ and we should prepare to be dropped off.

So the drop off went perfect we got everything out within 15 seconds and we laid on top of our stuff till the chinook lifted well away from us. So now we should start to find a place to put up our LUP. As it was full-moon we had to get away from the clearing because we were in full sight. I grabbed my compass and gave a direction were we should enter the forrest. So after a while we thought we've found a nice place, but we couldn't check it out for 100% because it was too dark. I asked a unit member to use his PNVGs to confirm if the place was suitable for a camp. So he takes out his goggles only to discover that he hadn't changed the batteries. You can imagine I was pretty pissed at the guy because I instructed everyone to sort out their kit before we'd left.

So we gambled that the place was right. In pitch dark we were erecting our unit tent (the tent poles have some light emmiting spots on it which later will be covered by the sheet, this makes it possible to erect a tent in pitch dark). So we were just in time, it started raining pretty hard but the tent was ready. After half an hour of hard rain we've discovered where we had put up the tent. Right: On the lowest point of a hill in the forrest. Needless to say that at first light the position of the tent was changed.

This picture was taken after most of the water already left the tent. Maximum level of water must have been some 15 cm's. We had to take everything from the ground to prevent it becoming wet. To my right you see the SATCOM laptop elevated on a chair. The guy in the green maggot is me

[Assault (CAN)]

LOL, good story L24A. At least you had cots.

We use 5 man tents when we are on the move. There is enough room to stand up in, which is nice when trying to change. It sure beats using a ground sheet to make a "hoochie". If we will be at a site for a few days, we use modular tents, one section is about the size of your average room in your house.

Hey L24A, ever tried setting up a tent that relys on pegs when the ground is ROCK solid? It can be fun.

Tyler

[el Gringo Loco]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (Assault (CAN) @ Feb. 10 2002,09:05)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">LOL, good story L24A. At least you had cots.

We use 5 man tents when we are on the move. There is enough room to stand up in, which is nice when trying to change. It sure beats using a ground sheet to make a "hoochie". If we will be at a site for a few days, we use modular tents, one section is about the size of your average room in your house.

Hey L24A, ever tried setting up a tent that relys on pegs when the ground is ROCK solid? It can be fun.

Tyler[/QUOTE]<span id='postcolor'>
Yup, want to see a picture what can happen then with a little wind. Man I&#39;ve seen it all

On the picture I&#39;m planning to give the tent its last mercy blow. The briefcase could be saved from the collapsing tent and belongs to my CO.

[RalphWiggum]

this is from Readers Digest, many yrs ago...

After Gulf War, returning US soldiers were eager to grab there bags from cargo and just goto their barracks after long flight. As soon as bags were unloaded, someone yelled,


&#39;Anybody seen a green dufflebag?&#39;


if u don&#39;t get the joke, here&#39;s explanantion. all US duffle bags are green.

[el Gringo Loco]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (RalphWiggum @ Feb. 10 2002,10:43)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">this is from Readers Digest, many yrs ago...

After Gulf War, returning US soldiers were eager to grab there bags from cargo and just goto their barracks after long flight. As soon as bags were unloaded, someone yelled,


&#39;Anybody seen a green dufflebag?&#39;


if u don&#39;t get the joke, here&#39;s explanantion. all US duffle bags are green.[/QUOTE]<span id='postcolor'>
When we came back from Bosnia it was impossible to lose your duffle bag as everyone had to stand next to it when the military police came to inspect the contents. In years before dutch soldiers took "souvenirs" with them like AK-47s, makarovs, handgrenade etc.

[el Gringo Loco]

A new day, a new story

Title: How we entered bosnia, or dutch cleverness

When my unit was chosen to be part of the rapid reaction force which went to Mt. Igman as part of operation Deliberate Force no one has ever thought it was so difficult to get there in the first place.

First we went to Split in Croatia where in the harbour a freighter would contain our equipment. So after we collected our equipment and passed it through customs we only needed the permission of the Croatian authorities so that we could cross the border with bosnia. As our vehicles were all green (we were part of Nato instead of the UN) we needed a seperate permission to cross the border with our green gear.

So on the second day in Split our COs went to the croation authorities to ask for a written permission to cross the border with bosnia. The croatian authority needed more time to think and told us they wouldn&#39;t give us a permission right now. So 2 weeks passed in Split and we were getting fat on the beach feeding on hamburgers and checking out the local female population. In the meanwhile our COs were still trying every day to get permission.

So after two weeks the authorities in Croatia told us they were NEVER going to allow any driving green vehicles over the border. Croatia was actually interested in prolonging the war as it wasn&#39;t to bad for their economy, UN was putting huge sums of money on the croatian bank account which would obviously stop when the war has ended.

But my CO was a smart one. He asked the representative of the croation authorities if he could put the statement "not allowing any driving green vehicles to pass the border" on a piece of paper and stamp it officially and put his signature under it. At first the representative was a little reluctant but as he couldn&#39;t see how that document could help us he did it anyway. My CO took the document with a great smile on his face and said thank you.

Later that day the CO told us of his "success". We failed to see the success as our equipment was green and the document clearly stated "no driving green vehicles are allowed to cross the border". But the CO told us to be ready tomorrow in the harbour with all your kit because we were going. Then ***CO excused himself and said he had to see the british logistics unit with some bottles of whiskey under his arm. That night we packed all our gear although we believed that next afternoon we will be unpacking everything again in our hotelroom as we clearly wouldn&#39;t cross the border.

So next day we went to the harbour and this is what we saw.:


Our captain bribed the english in letting us borrow some of their WHITE low-loaders with drivers. In the harbour they parked all our GREEN rolling equipment on WHITE low-loaders.
And this is how we went to the border. At first the border guard wouldn&#39;t let us pass, because he also got instructions to stop every green vehicle and send it back to where it came from.

But then my CO takes the document from his briefcase and argues that it states "DRIVING green vehicles". So he says: As the green vehicles aren&#39;t driving but standing rigid on the WHITE driving low-loaders we are in compliance with your authorities orders. The border guard now became confused and called his superior. My CO told the superior that when he can&#39;t pass the border he will blow the whole thing to diplomatic ***level. The superior clearly afraid of the magnitude of that happening quickly decided we were to pass.

So here you see our Mercedes all-terrain vehicles pass into bosnia on the back of white low-loaders.


A couple of kilometers after the border we drove our equipment off the low-loaders, thanked the english drivers who drove us there and continued under our own steam to mount Igman under the protection of the french foreign legion.
Here a picture of the French Foreign Legion group appointed to protect us:

[daniel barnett]

1 day my squad and i were sent 2 do a training mission and 2 simulate a "hot LZ" all was fine and we were setting up our camp when gale force winds took our tent just b4 our pick-up.
we then listened in horror as on the radio all we cud here wus "maday, mayday, what the f**k?mayday....HQ asked for their pos. and they said that it wus alright...a massive tent flew into their flight path and the only way that they managed 2 get it off the heli was 2 fly practically vertical to try and shake it off.
naturally our CO wus not amused.

[Placebo]

L24A excellent stories, keep them coming

I remember the original thread but by the time I got to it there were like 20 pages so I never read it all

[Wobble]

not a military story.. but when i first got my AR I shot a can of spraypaint I though was empty from about 20 feet away and i got a nice blast of smurf blue all over me and the gun.. took me several hours to clean all of it off the gun. it was wierd it literally exploded.. it was like a frag or something.. but it stayed in one piece.. just kinda turned inside out..

oh and one time I shot a coleman lantern cannister from about 100m away and the boom could probably be heard for many miles.. those things are great.. but expensive.. I decided to shoot this one because it was leaky and old.. and I thought it was empty (why do I keep thinking things are empty)..

oh.. and probably the best story:.. and the dumbest..

me and my gf went out to a small creek to do a little shooting, sh had just got her .38 and wanted to be destructive.. so I founf this odd small can that had been rolling around in the bed of my truck for many weeks.. I couldent remember what it was and all the paint was practically rubbed off from sliding around back there.. it was *almost* empty..

anywho we started plinking at it from about 30 feet away about the 5th shot I hit it and it poofed into a nice red cloud.. and blew all over me... at that moment I realized what it was.. when my gf was a car-hop at sonic she carried it for safty. it was pepper spray..

that really sucked, I couldent even drive home.. though my GF had a hoot with the 4wd (she had little pissy car at time).. I dont know how she managed to avoid it.. she got a little on her arm and that was it.. oh well.. there are lots of Wobble being a dumbass stories.. but they are not military related so I will spare ya.

[Placebo]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (Wobble @ Feb. 10 2002,18:28)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">(why do I keep thinking things are empty)..[/QUOTE]<span id='postcolor'>
Because unlike the "things" you find your head is indeed empty?