Military Humor

[Longinius]

"[ATs] You are standing less then two meters from the target, Sir."

Now...I just know they didn't say 'sir'

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (Longinius @ Mar. 13 2002,07:40)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">"[ATs] You are standing less then two meters from the target, Sir."

Now...I just know they didn&#39;t say &#39;sir&#39; [/QUOTE]<span id='postcolor'>
Well, it is a translation. We don&#39;t have the &#39;Sir&#39; word in the Swedish military - you address somebody by his rank or by his rank + last name.

I can add that I had to bribe the bastards with two cases of beer so that they would not spread the story around.

[Oligo]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (denoir @ Mar. 13 2002,10:57)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">Well, it is a translation. We don&#39;t have the &#39;Sir&#39; word in the Swedish military- you address somebody by his rank or by his rank + last name.[/QUOTE]<span id='postcolor'>
I doubt they addressed you formally in that situation. I bet they used something like: &#39;bloody idiot&#39; or something analogous to that in swedish. Privates don&#39;t have much respect for sergeants, you know.

Well, that was kind of the point. I addressed them formally, and they replied just as formally. (Which is actually a breach of protocol - you don&#39;t use ranks or names over radio in the field).

As for privates not respecting sergeants - these were kustjägare (costal rangers) and when in doubt, they will salute a lamppost.

[Longinius]

Haha....kustjägare. A friend of mine did his service as one of those. Poor SOB

Yeah, they really were sadistic to us KJ on occasion.
We had occuring excersises where they would wake us up like three in the morning and put us in a chopper. Then they would dump us in the waters off the island and tell us "swim home to base without getting your weapon wet". Some liked it. I did not ***

[FallenPaladin]

Basic training

When we had our basic training we sneaked a lot through the woods around the base where I was stationed first. The woods were military area but some civilians were allowed to drive through them, too. For example some farmers.

The jogger

One day we had training in arresting people and while the others trained fifty meters behind me between the trees, I lay guard behind the first tree line directly aside a road. Suddenly a guy appeared on the road hundred meters away. He advanced slowly jogging, while I lay there covered under my camouflage with my G3 in my hands. I thought that was a test, so I yelled „Parole&#33;“ when he was directly in front of me. He stopped a bit confused, because he saw no shit, especially not where my voice came from. So he ignored my second request for the parole and chose to walk away. I still thinking that some dumbass was testing me, engaged him from behind my cover after watching if that guy had some backup. He had none. So I jumped up, broke through the bushes directly behind him. „Get to the ground&#33;&#33;&#33;“ „Hey, stop that, I`m only a jogger&#33;“ Then he realised the assault rifle in my hands and the camo makeup in my face and decided it would obviously be better to follow my orders. But he kept complaining, only softer
When my sergeant finally arrived he saw me above a poor jogger lying on his stomach with his hands behind the head. The sergeant grinned cause I did it „by the book“, but then I had to release the poor guy on the ground, who really was only a jogger. Poor guy&#33;

The tractor

Another day we had a exercise and in the briefing we were told that every vehicle (meant where cars) was to be dealt with as enemy. While my group walked left and right beside to a road I scanned the horizon behind us then I saw it. It was a tractor. I thought that the officer had said every vehicle was status enemy so I decided to make a joke and screamed „Cover&#33;&#33;&#33;“, before any of the other guys could see it, cause I was the last in our row. I jumped into a bush beside the road, so did the others. We were in full gear and the others readied their weapons. Then a old guy on a tractor drove through our middle, staring at us wideeyed. He was a bit shocked, the other guys of my group were confused and I had my fun. Even officers should make precise briefing objectives.

[Stealt Eagle]

I&#39;ll never take a jog again

[FallenPaladin]

Simply answer with the right parole&#33;

[Longinius]

This isn&#39;t really stupidity, its just hilarious.

I used to do live roleplaying some years ago. You basically dress in mideval gear and act out roleplaying scenarios. This particular scenario took place in a local forest. One of my friends, dressed in a brigandine coat and leather greaves and armguards was out walking carrying his sword. We were preparing the area for the game and checking to see noone was around and that no compromising items (modern equipment) was left in the area. As he walks through the forest someone suddenly yells to him to get down and stay down. He sees three guys in camo clothing rushing him, weapons ready. Quite baffled, he backs up and places the sword in front of him (not knowing what to do). The three stop and look at him, slightly confused. After a brief dialogue, they lower their weapons and the rest of their squad approaches.

Turned out these guys, from the local Airforce base, were out on exercises in the same area we were about to do the scenario in. They got quite confused seeing a mideval soldier walking through the woods Anyway, my friend talks a little with them and hands them some candy (since they had been in the field for about a week) and informs them to please not shoot the nymphs setting up near the road in to the area