The Diary of A Cat

[Red Oct]

A Cat's Diary

DAY 752 -- My captors continue to taunt me with
bizarre little
dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat,
while I am forced
to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going
is the hope of
escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining
the occasional
piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another
houseplant.

DAY 758 -- Today my attempt to kill my captors by
weaving around their
feet while they were walking almost succeeded; must
try this at the
top of the stairs.

DAY 761 -- In an attempt to disgust and repulse these
vile oppressors,
I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite
chair... must
try this on their bed.

DAY 762 -- Slept all day so that I could annoy my
captors with sleep
depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours
of the night.

DAY 765 -- Decapitated a mouse and brought them the
headless body, in
attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of,
and to try to
strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and
condescended about
what a good little cat I was... Hmmm. Not working
according to
plan......

DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are.
For no good
reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time
however it
included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo."
What sick minds
could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is
the piece of thumb
still stuck between my teeth.

DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their
accomplices. I was
placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I
could hear the
noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they
call "beer."
More importantly, I overheard that my confinement was
due to MY power
of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to
use it to my
advantage....

DAY 774 -- I am convinced the other captives are
flunkies and maybe
snitches. The dogs are routinely released and seem
more than happy to
return. They are obviously half-wits. The Birds, on
the other hand,
have got to be informants. They have mastered their
frightful tongue
(something akin to mole speak) and the birds speak
with them
regularly. I am certain they report my every move.
Due to their
current placement in the metal room their safety is
assured.

But I can wait, it is only a matter of time.

>^,,^< >^,,^< >^,,^< >^,,^<

[Damage Inc]

LOL

[Thehamster]

LoL my cat managed to sort of mace it self today by getting some fresh red chille in it&#39;s eye. It took bloody ages to get out but if was a sort of satisfation that the cat got what it deserved as the little bugger should not have been near my chopping board.

[Damage Inc]

Yes damn cats.

[KingBeast]

Cats are crap. They should be minced up and fed to prisoners. Actually no, thats far too inhumane for those poor inmates http://www.flashpoint1985.com/ikonboard3/non-cgi/emoticons/sad.gif

[Damage Inc]

I wouldn&#39;t want to eat a cat it would taste horrible

[Black Op]

cats ownz joo all

look at this little dude http://www.flashpoint1985.com/ikonboard3/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif

http://www.imgstudio.com/original/119021594669.jpg

[Damage Inc]

It&#39;s dead

[Black Op]

it isnt &#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33; http://help.microsoft.com/&#33;data/nl_nl/data/messengerv45_msn.its51/&#036;content&#036;/cry_smile.gif &#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;

[Damage Inc]

Well that&#39;s what it looks like at least. Okay it&#39;s 12:06 PM I&#39;m going to sleep

[KingBeast]

It looks dead, and if it isnt dead, then it should be dead http://www.flashpoint1985.com/ikonboard3/non-cgi/emoticons/tounge.gif

[Thehamster]

Yum cat burgers. Thats what I&#39;m going to make my cat into if it ask for food again it has a bowl full of it. http://www.flashpoint1985.com/ikonboard3/non-cgi/emoticons/sad.gif

[Black Op]

its asleep&#33;&#33;&#33; http://www.flashpoint1985.com/ikonboard3/non-cgi/emoticons/mad.gif

[Thehamster]

Is it a sleeping dead cat?

[brgnorway]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (KingBeast @<hidden> Jan. 19 2002,23:19)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">It looks dead, and if it isnt dead, then it should be dead http://www.flashpoint1985.com/ikonboard3/non-cgi/emoticons/tounge.gif[/QUOTE]<span id='postcolor'>
.....it will be dead as soon as my Welsh terrier spots him&#33;
http://www.flashpoint1985.com/ikonboard3/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif

[Wobble]

I have 7 cats

[KingBeast]

You should have jsut said terrier. Then i would have respected you mightily. But you mentioned it being "welsh" therefore i am deeply dissapointed. http://www.flashpoint1985.com/ikonboard3/non-cgi/emoticons/sad.gif
Tis just as bad as a cat now http://www.flashpoint1985.com/ikonboard3/non-cgi/emoticons/sad.gif

[KingBeast]

Then wobble, you will suffer in purgatory for 7 millennia. So it is written, so shall it be done.

[brgnorway]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote </td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">You should have jsut said terrier. Then i would have respected you mightily. But you mentioned it being "welsh" therefore i am deeply dissapointed. http://www.flashpoint1985.com/ikonboard3/non-cgi/emoticons/sad.gif
Tis just as bad as a cat now http://www.flashpoint1985.com/ikonboard3/non-cgi/emoticons/sad.gif[/QUOTE]<span id='postcolor'>
Don&#39;t be disappointed - the welsh terrier&#39;s other (unofficial name) is Old english black and tan/broken haired terrier.
http://www.flashpoint1985.com/ikonboard3/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif

[Thehamster]

Jesus that is a mouth full that dog got a lot to rember http://www.flashpoint1985.com/ikonboard3/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif

[brgnorway]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (Thehamster @<hidden> Jan. 19 2002,23:50)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">Jesus that is a mouth full that dog got a lot to rember http://www.flashpoint1985.com/ikonboard3/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif[/QUOTE]<span id='postcolor'>
Hehe... http://www.flashpoint1985.com/ikonboard3/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif

[brgnorway]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (KingBeast @<hidden> Jan. 19 2002,23:29)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">You should have jsut said terrier. Then i would have respected you mightily. But you mentioned it being "welsh" therefore i am deeply dissapointed. http://www.flashpoint1985.com/ikonboard3/non-cgi/emoticons/sad.gif
Tis just as bad as a cat now http://www.flashpoint1985.com/ikonboard3/non-cgi/emoticons/sad.gif[/QUOTE]<span id='postcolor'>
Cat killer:

http://www.dogantics.com/welshiepup/playtime.shtml

[brgnorway]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (Wobble @<hidden> Jan. 19 2002,23:28)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">I have 7 cats[/QUOTE]<span id='postcolor'>
http://www.flashpoint1985.com/ikonboard3/non-cgi/emoticons/confused.gif...do you breed cats http://www.flashpoint1985.com/ikonboard3/non-cgi/emoticons/wink.gif

[Red Oct]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (Wobble @<hidden> Jan. 19 2002,23:28)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">I have 7 cats[/QUOTE]<span id='postcolor'>
i once had about 12 cats

[brgnorway]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (Red Oct @<hidden> Jan. 20 2002,03:54)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE"></span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote </td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">I have 7 cats[/QUOTE]<span id='postcolor'>
i once had about 12 cats[/QUOTE]<span id='postcolor'>
TWELVE.....this is not going better and better http://www.flashpoint1985.com/ikonboard3/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif

The bloody cats sleep on the bonnet of our new car, making scratches. I hate them.

http://www.flashpoint1985.com/ikonboard3/non-cgi/emoticons/mad.gif

[RalphWiggum]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (brgnorway @<hidden> Jan. 20 2002,03:58)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE"></span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote </td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE"></span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote </td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">I have 7 cats[/QUOTE]<span id='postcolor'>
i once had about 12 cats[/QUOTE]<span id='postcolor'>
TWELVE.....this is not going better and better  http://www.flashpoint1985.com/ikonboard3/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif

The bloody cats sleep on the bonnet of our new car, making scratches. I hate them.

http://www.flashpoint1985.com/ikonboard3/non-cgi/emoticons/mad.gif[/QUOTE]<span id='postcolor'>
got two words to straighten out your cat

water gun

[brgnorway]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (RalphWiggum @<hidden> Jan. 20 2002,04:38)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE"></span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote </td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE"></span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote </td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE"></span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote </td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">I have 7 cats[/QUOTE]<span id='postcolor'>
i once had about 12 cats[/QUOTE]<span id='postcolor'>
TWELVE.....this is not going better and better  http://www.flashpoint1985.com/ikonboard3/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif

The bloody cats sleep on the bonnet of our new car, making scratches. I hate them.

http://www.flashpoint1985.com/ikonboard3/non-cgi/emoticons/mad.gif[/QUOTE]<span id='postcolor'>
got two words to straighten out your cat

water gun[/QUOTE]<span id='postcolor'>
Yeah http://www.flashpoint1985.com/ikonboard3/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif but I have a terrier. He&#39;ll solve the problem soon I guess&#33;

[nordin dk]

This is for all you catlovers out there. A nice wet pussy.


http://www.soundtrack-solutions.dk/kittybath.jpg

[brgnorway]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (nordin dk @<hidden> Jan. 20 2002,22:41)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">This is for all you catlovers out there. A nice wet pussy.[/QUOTE]<span id='postcolor'>
That&#39;s hilarious&#33;&#33;&#33; http://www.flashpoint1985.com/ikonboard3/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif

[Hilandor]

lmao what a sick specimen of a cat that is =]]

[Thehamster]

That picture is really pathetic to look at.

[nordin dk]

This kind of picture is what makes the internet great http://www.flashpoint1985.com/ikonboard3/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif

But seriously...that cat is posessed or something. It gives me the creeps.

[Red Oct]

i perfer cats over dogs cuzz all they do is eat and sleep and ocasionally goes to the litter box, as for dogs they eat, fart, lick them selfs in the crotch while making disgusting noises while you have company at your house, always beg for scrapes at the dinner table, than they bark in the middle of the night and when you walk down stairs to shut it up you step in a heap of dog &#036;h&#33;t. and they smell even worse when after you give them a bath.

[brgnorway]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote </td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">i perfer cats over dogs cuzz all they do is eat and sleep and ocasionally goes to the litter box, as for dogs they eat, fart, lick them selfs in the crotch while making disgusting noises while you when you have company at your house, always beg for scrapes at the dinner table, than they bark in the middle of the night and when you walk down stairs to shut it up you step in a heap of dog &#036;h&#33;t. and they smell even worse when after you give them a bath.[/QUOTE]<span id='postcolor'>
...funny guy. You actually made me laugh  http://www.flashpoint1985.com/ikonboard3/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif  http://www.flashpoint1985.com/ikonboard3/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif  http://www.flashpoint1985.com/ikonboard3/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif
Yes, he does fart a little, but on the other hand, so do I. Don&#39;t know if the dog or I have the hardest time?
Thankfully his fur doesn&#39;t smell because he has a wire coat. Also, he doesn&#39;t shed his coat - so do most other dogs and all of the cats I believe.
Except from that you&#39;r mostly right.

[Assault (CAN)]

LOL, my dog makes grunting noises when he is licking his ass. However my cat does not. I also hate the fact that dogs feel the need to bark at everything that moves outside the house. The annoying factor multiplies by 10 if you have a small dog. They dont bark, they just yap.

Tyler

[brgnorway]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (Assault (CAN) @<hidden> Jan. 21 2002,06:18)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">LOL, my dog makes grunting noises when he is licking his ass. However my cat does not. I also hate the fact that dogs feel the need to bark at everything that moves outside the house. The annoying factor multiplies by 10 if you have a small dog. They dont bark, they just yap.

Tyler[/QUOTE]<span id='postcolor'>
Im lucky though - he doesnt bark very much. On the other hand, Im about loose my mental health soon. One of the neighbours dogs have her monthly. And my dog (Oscar) howls and whines all day and night.

http://www.flashpoint1985.com/ikonboard3/non-cgi/emoticons/wow.gif

[christophercles]

Stop talking about cats, my cat named jones (after the cat in "alien") died&#33; *cries*,but, im getting a new black cat and im callig it ibid.

[Red Oct]

my dog dosnt bark much either just farts, poops in the living room and has the need to go outside like 5 times a day just to take a dump, that and he sometimes lies behind my computer chair and i accendently role over his tail, that and he lies in the door ways and sometimes trip over him and hes so big that you cant open the doors when he lies infront of those too

[Red Oct]

bump

[Brentk]

TheHampster best watch out for cats. I think a cat would eat a hamster. hmmm. right.....

[nordin dk]

Red Oct, are you bumping your own post?

[Red Oct]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote </td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">Red Oct, are you bumping your own post?[/QUOTE]<span id='postcolor'>
i was trying to post a funny dogfood brand thats in the Grand Theft Auto radio commercials that you here during the game, but i can put a pic of it cuzz its a flash. when i saw that the pic didnt show when i posted it i removed it and made it a bump just to keep the thread alive

[Red Oct]

NOTE: THE FOLLOWING IS ALL FICTIONAL SO DONT GET IN MIND THAT IM TRYING TO MARKET DOG FOOD ON THE FORUMS THIS IS JUST HUMOR

http://www.users.muohio.edu/ashworjl/images/ad_bitch.gif
The Bitch&#39;n&#39; Dog Food Guarantee

We care about your pet. That&#39;s why we use only the highest quality ingredients we can get our hands on. Our agents are always busy searching for the next best thing to add to our age-tested recipe for the best dog food in Liberty City.

For years, the Bitch&#39;n&#39; Dog Food Factory has provided Liberty City with the highest quality goods. Our customers know that we are the best place to go to meet your needs. Some argue that being the only dog food manufacturer in the city is a monopoly and we should be shut down. All those who made such arguments have hence disappeared; obviously afraid of our response to their aggresive claims. I say it now, once and for all, our monopoly is not our choice. The fact that other companies are just afraid to compete with us is not our problem, and actually benefits the community.

As many of you know, the Bitch&#39;n&#39; Dog Food Factory has recently gone through a change in management. Marty Chonks, long-time owner of the establishment, mysteriously disappeared leaving me in charge of the business. As the new owner and president, I promise to supply Liberty City with the best prodects available. In fact, I guarantee that 95% of our chow came from a being that was once alive: chicken carcasses, cow remains, pig bits, you name it&#33;

In closing, I promise to uphold the standards of the business under Marty. I urge every dog owner to try our special Products of the Month on their pet. Together, we can work to lift the ban on dogs (http://www.rockstargames.com/libertytree/story5.html) in Liberty City so all our consumers can finally show their faces and proudly say: I own a dog&#33;

Sincerely,

  Donald Love (http://www.lovemedia.tv/)

P.S. Check out my interview with the Liberty Tree here (http://www.rockstargames.com/libertytree/sep2001/story1.html).

http://www.users.muohio.edu/ashworjl/images/sgdog_can.jpg

[Blink Dog]

Okay Cats suck monkey dinks. Lets face it if we could lick ourselves we would. I think most of would at least grudgeingly admit that. Cats are to unpredictable, one minute they look innocent the next they are clawing at your nuts, phuck that, I still have children to produce. Oh by the way when a cat rubs up against you, it is not being cuddly, it is marking you as territory. Cats have pheromone glands in their necks to put a sent on you. Merry Xmas owner you are my bitch&#33; I would never hurt a cat or be cruel to one, but I would also never have one as a pet.

[Red Oct]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (Blink Dog @<hidden> Jan. 22 2002,04:02)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">Okay Cats suck monkey dinks. Lets face it if we could lick ourselves we would. I think most of would at least grudgeingly admit that. Cats are to unpredictable, one minute they look innocent the next they are clawing at your nuts, phuck that, I still have children to produce. Oh by the way when a cat rubs up against you, it is not being cuddly, it is marking you as territory. Cats have pheromone glands in their necks to put a sent on you. Merry Xmas owner you are my bitch&#33; I would never hurt a cat or be cruel to one, but I would also never have one as a pet.[/QUOTE]<span id='postcolor'>
cats clawing at your nuts? naaaw, not cute little kitty cats

[nordin dk]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (Blink Dog @<hidden> Jan. 22 2002,03:02)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">Okay Cats suck monkey dinks. Lets face it if we could lick ourselves we would.[/QUOTE]<span id='postcolor'>
I can lick myself in many places http://www.flashpoint1985.com/ikonboard3/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif

[Angry Radish]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (Blink Dog @<hidden> Jan. 21 2002,21:02)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">Cats are to unpredictable, one minute they look innocent the next they are clawing at your nuts, phuck that, I still have children to produce.[/QUOTE]<span id='postcolor'>
There is a reason cats are unpredictable, it&#39;s their diet..
http://radishville.myip.org/post/smack.jpg
They can&#39;t help it, they&#39;re just junkies..